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Friday, September 3, 2010

The Joy of Sniffing

I like to sniff butts. What dog doesn't?? Butt sniffing, in case you weren't aware, is one of the best forms of communication/information gathering out there. By sniffing another dog or cats butt I can find out many things. Such as, what did they just eat? Where have they been? Who have they been with? When was the last time they bothered to clean themselves?? (not naming any names but you stinky guys know who you are!)

An example: the other day my cat Bella came in from her usual all night tramp. As she ran for her food dish I dashed after her and stuck my nose under her butt for a good long sniff. She doesn't really seem to enjoy this since my snout usually lifts her rump off the ground as she's running and we end up with a wheel barrel effect, but what must be done, must be done! From my quick sniff I was able to ascertain the following: Bella had eaten a mouse sometime in the night, got into a scrap with a nasty old tom cat, chased a few bugs, taken about three dozen baths, and slept in a pile of grass clippings. There ya go! How many of you are able to find out that much information by sniffing around??? Sorry humans, you just don't have the gift, but I sincerely wish you did!

In fact, it is my sincere opinion that many of the world's problems could be solved by some simple butt sniffing. Why if the members of congress would take just a few minutes out of every day to run around the room sniffing each other's butts there would not be arguments over taxes, health care, the war. Heck, there wouldn't even be a war if butt sniffing were in effect!! In my perfect world President Obama and the other world leaders would gather around in the Oval office and the butt sniffing would commence. Then there would be harmony. Trust me on this people!

Even the most uptight of all humans would melt into perfectly lovable, huggable lovies with just a sniff of the snout. The Queen of England is a bit stiff if you haven't noticed. Why??? Because she doesn't sniff butts!! At least not in public! Maybe in private she's different. She is a horsey/doggy person after all, so maybe she and Prince Philip and Charles and Camilla run around their palaces sniffing until they are delirious. I do have it on good authority that Winston Churchill was a butt sniffer but that's a closely guarded secret amongst us dogs so keep it under your hat!

Yes all the trials and tribulations out there, from wars, and bullying and table tossing and chinchilla chasing would be put to rest if you silly human beings would lighten the heck up, get your noses out of the air and into each other's butts.

But knowing you all like I do I'm not holding my breath. I am however going to go sniff some butts!

Wags and Kisses,

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