This is me (in case u hadn't guessed!)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Today I am two years old! I am hoping for a cake, ice cream and prezzies later, we'll see if mom and dad come through!

In honor of my birthday I thought it would be nice to share my life story with you! It's been a great two years and it all started at Cher Car Kennels in St. Johns, Michigan where I was born on September 15, 2008. My mom, Shelby, had ten pups total, 7 boys and 3 girls. She has since had another litter with eleven more pups!! She deserves her own reality show on TLC, don't ya think?

My Mom Shelby. Don't we look alike??

My dad was Gamble, a big beautiful male shepherd who has fathered a whole lot of pups! He gets around that old boy! I didn't see much of my dad, he was k
ept in a separate kennel but he looked pretty impressive to me! My siblings and I had lots of fun with each other, play fighting, smelling each other's butts, you know, the usual dog stuff!

The Big Man Himself! My daddy, Gamble.

Me and my siblings. I am in this pile somewhere!

Just look for the cutest one, that's me!

When I was around 6 weeks old my human family paid a visit to Cher Car Kennels to pick out a pup. I would like to be able to say that they took one look at me and fell right in love and said I was THE one. But no. They picked one of my sisters instead! I was heartbroken, after all, my human mom picked me up and I peed all over her! I thought we had a connection! To be fair, later on mom did say that she had her eye on me and thought I looked like the kind of dog she wanted but she got out voted by dad and my big human sis Maddie (aka Squeezy). Thanks A LOT guys!!

Two weeks passed and then mom and dad and Squeezy came back to pick up their pup. A lot had changed in two weeks. I was still my wonderful special self, only even better. My doggie sis on the other hand had turned into a whiny, howling mess! Mom and dad took one look, or rather one earful of her and looked at each other in despair. My breeder Cheryl told them to take another look at all us pups before they made their final choice. That's when mom looked at me and said, "That one!"

I was thrilled to have been chosen! Okay, actually I had no idea what was about to happen to me and probably would have FREAKED if I'd known I was being taken away from my mom and siblings. But I was blissfully unaware as mom carried me to the car for the ride home. It wasn't long before I realized something weird was happening. Mom held me all the way home but that didn't stop me from crying and shaking all the way there. I didn't know who these people were, I just knew that suddenly I was in a big moving thing and my big black mama was nowhere in sight!

We made it home without me peeing on mom this time and they took me right outside to the big backyard. I was VERY impressed! Lots of grass, lots of trees, and lots of room to poop! My kinda yard! After a quick pee and a dump they took me back inside to show me around and introduce me to my new furry sister, Bella the cat.

Bella had just been added to the family herself, only one week
before. She was four months old so she wasn't a tiny kitten but she wasn't a full grown cat by any means. Bella took one look at me and before I could even give her a friendly hello slobber that cat took off like a bat out of hell! I didn't see her again for about 4 days! Eventually we became the best of friends and she even let me sit on her and put her head in my mouth occasionally. (and I must say, back in those early days it was much easier to fit her head in my mouth. Her head has grown considerably in these last two years unfortunately).

Me and Bella, with her paw in my mouth. She loves it, really!

Mom and dad let me roam around a little but I was very nervous and scared and so I got lots of cuddles. That first night was bad, very bad! When it got dark mom gave me kisses and then put me a in big cage in the dining room. The lights went out and I was left alone!!! So I did what any normal 8 week old pup would do - I howled like a mad wolf dog! Mom came running, got me quiet then went back to bed. So I howled again. I kept up howling until finally mom let me sleep with her on the couch.

Just call me a couch potato!

The next morning I was told that would not work. I would have to learn to sleep in my kennel like a good pup. That night back into the cage I went. And that night, I howled again. This time I got to spend the entire night on mom and dad's bed! I was starting to like this bedtime business!

The next day mom read on the computer that you should put the dog's kennel next to your bed at night, so the next night I found myself back in the cage, but this time I was right next to my new mom. I could hear her, smell her, feel her pat me in the night. And I finally learned to sleep like a real dog! Until, that is, Bella the night stalker struck!

Bella the Night Stalker!

That crazy insane cat would sleep all day and prowl around all night. This is what cat's do for some ungodly reason. They don't have the sense to sleep at night like us dogs and humans do. No, at night they stay awake so they can bug the hell out of us! So there I am, this sweet little innocent pup trying to catch some shut eye in my cozy kennel when from out of nowhere, between the wires of my cage, comes this very long, very sharp cat claw!!! I nearly jumped out of my skin! I looked up into two shining creepy green eyes! That furry monster was on top of my kennel, ready to strike again!

I howled for mom and didn't stop howling until she got up and evicted that wretched kitten from the room. I tried to get back to sleep but from that point on I really wanted no part of that kennel. I much preferred to sleep on the couch or with Squeezy so I could retaliate quickly should that furry fiend attack again.

Just put your head in my mouth cat!

I'd like to be able to say my puppyhood went by without a snag, that I was a model pup, but truth be told I was a bit naughty. Actually, the term "vicious alligator" w
as mentioned quite a bit. You see, we pups like to bite and nip our doggy moms, it's how we show her love. And in return, she bites and nips and licks us and all is good! Only, humans don't seem to like the biting and nipping so much. Especially when it's done to your face. And your ears. And it draws blood! Mom tells me that I came verrrry close to losing my happy home when I was around 10 weeks old. I was a bit unruly, standoffish, and very very very bitey! Squeezy was afraid of me, she'd run screaming away from me when I tried to play with her because apparently my play involved biting her hard on the hand and making her bleed! Then there was the time I played with dad and bit his ear and made that bleed. And the time I jumped up to greet my mom and bit her on the nose and made that bleed! (are you understanding the vicious alligator bit by now?)

Me & Squeezy once she stopped being afraid of me!

Is this the face of an alligator??

Dad wanted to send me back to the breeder. He said there must be something wrong with me because he'd had Shepherds when he grew up and they were nothing like me. I had no way of letting dad know that what was going on was I was just struggling to get used to my new family and home. I was too young to understand yet that biting hurts and that people really don't like to bleed! Luckily for me mom had fallen head over heels in love with me and wanted to stick with me. So she and dad started working with me day after day to teach me not to bite and also to teach me who was boss. Boss was mom and dad and not me! And Squeezy was my sister and not my chew toy. And Bella was my sister, but I could still use her as a chew toy when no one was looking! (ha ha just kidding mom and dad!) *wink *wink

While I was being taught not to chew people's faces off I w
as also being housebroken. This I was pretty good at. I learned pretty quickly to pee and poop outside and had only a few accidents. Unless you count the numerous times I got excited when playing and piddled on Squeezy's bean bag chair. (don't worry I eventually outgrew that!)

My favorite sleeping position, which mom says is not very lady like!

Puppyhood has flown by and I can't believe I am now two whole years old! Mom and dad say I still act like a puppy and they are so glad because I am so much fun now. I don't bite anymore and I am comfortable sleeping just about anywhere in the entire house as long as it's not in a cage! I am looking forward to growing old with my dear old mom and dad and my sibs Bella, Squeezy, Happy and Screechy. I am one lucky dog!

And now for my cake and presents!!!!

Wags and kisses,
from 2 year old Lexi!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

What Did I Ever Do To Montezuma??

I hate to be indelicate, but I have what is commonly referred to as "Montezuma's Revenge"! Otherwise known as the Hershey Squirts, the Runs, Anal Leakage, or if you want to be politically correct you could say I am currently "fecally challenged".

I don't know what has caused this most recent bout of doggy drips, but I sure wish it would end! Most likely I ate something I shouldn't have. Can't imagine what it could have been, but I do know it probably wasn't dog food because I haven't been eating much of that garbage lately! Yes I have been getting lots of tasty human food lately plus a big helping of Bella's cat food whenever I can steal some. Mom is not happy, she says this cannot continue and she is going to call the VET! She says she is going to ask him for a diet for me, something healthy and nourishing, something GOOD for dogs. Blech! Can't wait to see what my evil nemesis will recommend. (that's sarcasm by the way in case you hadn't guessed!)

All I know is that I have to get my digestive system restored before next week when I turn 2 years old. I am looking forward to my birthday party and lots of cake and ice cream and presents! So Montezuma you need to take your revenge and hit the road so I can party like a real dog should!

Gotta run (literally!)

Wags and kisses,

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

School Stinks!

Today was the first day of school for my big sis Squeezy. She is going into the 3rd grade, which means that pretty soon she will know almost as much as I do! I do not like school because it takes my big sis away from me for almost the entire day! And not just one day either, like a zillion days, and I am left to lie around and mope until she comes home in the late afternoon. Whoever invented this school thing (and something tells me they are a cat person!) is no friend of mine!

It wasn't always so bad. I remember when I was a little pup I got to go with mom to take Squeezy to school and to pick her up. I had so much fun riding in the van to school, then mom would put the leash on me and we would walk up to the building to wait for sis to appear. I loved showing off, playing and barking and rolling around in front of everyone. And of course I soaked up the compliments that came my way from all the other moms and dads. Then the doors would finally open and all the kids would spill out. They all came running for me but I only had eyes for my Squeezy! She would run up and hug the daylights out of me and we would kiss kiss kiss! But then I got too big and the other moms got nervous for some reason and my mom had to leave me at home. Sometimes it sucks growing up!

Mom says I need to cheer up because I still have Happy and Screechy to play with. I guess she's right, although to tell you the truth I am noticing a disturbing development with those two. They are starting to move about and when they move about they come after me and pull my hair and tail and Screechy especially tries to eat me! What's that all about????

But I guess mom is right, I better enjoy it while it lasts because in no time at all that awful school will take away my little bro and sis too. And THEN what will I do????

Wags and kisses from this sad little (or not so little) pup

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Why Does My Dog Do That???

If you are a dog, like me, many are the times you hear "Why do you do things like this???" when all you are doing is behaving like your normal wonderful self. As a species you humans are so difficult to figure out, we dogs however, shouldn't be that hard, but apparently to you guys some of what we do remains a mystery. That is why I have decided to answer some simple questions about some of the things we dogs do that have you humans flummoxed.

Question: Why does my dog feel the need to follow me to the bathroom every time I go, and why does he have to sit outside the door and whine and cry until I come out?

Answer: The reason we do this is because we are afraid you will go in there and not come back out! We've seen with our own eyes how that thing you call the toilet (and what we call our extra water bowl) will suddenly make a hideous noise, swirl around like crazy and then whatever is inside it disappears! Who would feed us if that were to happen to you? And an even more important question, how can I stuff Bella in there? (kidding!)

Question: Sometimes my dog runs around in circles for no apparent reason. What does this mean?

Answer: It could mean your dog is bored and needs you to play with him, or give him a cuddle. Then again it could just mean your dog is very weird!

Question: Why does my dog suddenly go crazy and run around like a maniac?

Answer: We like to play "mad dog" and "crazy wolf"! Those are our favorite games, aside from "eat the cat". Besides running around like a maniac is very therapeutic! Try it sometime!

Question: Why does my dog seem to worship my husband when I, the wife, am the one caring for my dog all day? What's my husband got that I don't have?

Answer: Your husband is the alpha male, you as the wife are the alpha female, but in the doggy world males come first (sorry, it sucks I know, but that's the rule!) So we kiss daddy first and love on him like crazy then you get your turn. But don't worry! If we are sick and feel pukey then the rules reverse and we come find you! Feel better now??

Question: Why does my dog go out to pee, then two seconds later come in and pee all over my floor??

Answer: If your dog is doing this suddenly he could be sick, take him to the wretched evil vet ASAP! If however your dog does this all the time he's just messing with you for a laugh! Sometimes we are naughty like that! (on a serious note, any time your dog doesn't seem "right" take him to the vet, better safe than sorry!)

Question: Do you think it bothers my dog that he/she is fixed and will never have puppies?

Answer: You can't miss what you've never known, right??? Just give us lots of our own little stuffed lovies to chew on and we won't miss the pups we never had!

Question: Lexi, is it true that you are the most awesome, beautiful, smart, talented dog on the planet?

Answer: Why, yes, yes it is! Thanks for pointing that out! xoxoxoxo

Question: Why does my dog sometimes stare at me for long periods of time and I can't figure out what they are trying to tell me?

Answer: When we do this we are trying to read your mind and more often than not we can't find anything worth reading! (ouch, that was a bit "catty" wasn't it??)

Question: Why do you like to put Bella's head in your mouth?

Answer: Because that's the only part that will fit!

Question: Why do you eat poop??? It's so gross!

Answer: Hey, I eat poop, you people smoke cigarettes & cigars and drink nasty beer, etc! To each his own!

Question: Why does my dog turn around three times when he has to poop or lay down to sleep?

Answer: Sorry, that's a closely guarded doggy secret! I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you so let's let it drop!

That's all I have for now! If you have any doggy mysteries you can't figure out, post them to me and I'll see if I can help unravel the mystery for you!

Till next time

Wags and kisses

Friday, September 3, 2010

The Joy of Sniffing

I like to sniff butts. What dog doesn't?? Butt sniffing, in case you weren't aware, is one of the best forms of communication/information gathering out there. By sniffing another dog or cats butt I can find out many things. Such as, what did they just eat? Where have they been? Who have they been with? When was the last time they bothered to clean themselves?? (not naming any names but you stinky guys know who you are!)

An example: the other day my cat Bella came in from her usual all night tramp. As she ran for her food dish I dashed after her and stuck my nose under her butt for a good long sniff. She doesn't really seem to enjoy this since my snout usually lifts her rump off the ground as she's running and we end up with a wheel barrel effect, but what must be done, must be done! From my quick sniff I was able to ascertain the following: Bella had eaten a mouse sometime in the night, got into a scrap with a nasty old tom cat, chased a few bugs, taken about three dozen baths, and slept in a pile of grass clippings. There ya go! How many of you are able to find out that much information by sniffing around??? Sorry humans, you just don't have the gift, but I sincerely wish you did!

In fact, it is my sincere opinion that many of the world's problems could be solved by some simple butt sniffing. Why if the members of congress would take just a few minutes out of every day to run around the room sniffing each other's butts there would not be arguments over taxes, health care, the war. Heck, there wouldn't even be a war if butt sniffing were in effect!! In my perfect world President Obama and the other world leaders would gather around in the Oval office and the butt sniffing would commence. Then there would be harmony. Trust me on this people!

Even the most uptight of all humans would melt into perfectly lovable, huggable lovies with just a sniff of the snout. The Queen of England is a bit stiff if you haven't noticed. Why??? Because she doesn't sniff butts!! At least not in public! Maybe in private she's different. She is a horsey/doggy person after all, so maybe she and Prince Philip and Charles and Camilla run around their palaces sniffing until they are delirious. I do have it on good authority that Winston Churchill was a butt sniffer but that's a closely guarded secret amongst us dogs so keep it under your hat!

Yes all the trials and tribulations out there, from wars, and bullying and table tossing and chinchilla chasing would be put to rest if you silly human beings would lighten the heck up, get your noses out of the air and into each other's butts.

But knowing you all like I do I'm not holding my breath. I am however going to go sniff some butts!

Wags and Kisses,