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Thursday, July 29, 2010

How To Be A Helpful Pet

I know how hard some of you humans out there work and you deserve a pet who makes your life easier don't you think? So that's why I've put together a helpful list of tips for your pet to help them remember how they can lend a hand. Maybe post them over their food bowls for easy reference!

1. When taking a drink from your water bowl remember to slurp as much water as possible over the floor. This helps with mopping! (small breed dogs may need to drool a bit to accomplish this as they are not very good slurpers!)
2. Make sure to smudge the front windows of your house or car. It makes washing the windows worthwhile and your human won't feel like they are wasting their time!
3. You may want to track mud in the house each and every day but DON'T! Wait until your human has just mopped the floor and then do it! It will be much more appreciated that way!
4. DO NOT drink from the toilet unless the water is clear! This is very important since humans use smelly dangerous cleaners in there that could make you seriously ill or worse!
** addendum to #4, if your cat is perched on the open toilet seat feel free to give her a nudge! After all, cats need baths too!
5. Shed Shed Shed. 'nuff said on that subject!
6. Always save your best butt licking sessions for when company comes! Afterall you don't want to hide such a valuable talent do you??
7. Hang out by the fridge when your human is cleaning it out. You might get a chance to nick some good grubb!
8. Human beds were made for sleeping on AND for burying bones, treats, and leftover pizza crust in pillows.
9. Winter time can be a good time to munch on some tasty poop-sicles. Poop in the summer is too messy even for us dogs to mess with so leave it alone. Feel free however to bring an occassional dead rodent or two into the house for your humans inspection.
10. And last but not least - compost - it's a good thing! Be sure to roll in it with relish but be forewarned, your human WILL most likely insist on bathing you afterwards.
There you have it folks! Follow these tips and you will be one wonderfully helpful pet! Sometimes these silly humans won't act like they actually appreciate your helfpulness, but trust me, they do!
Wags and kisses,

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