Beware Of Little Squirrels With Big Nuts!

There is a big bad squirrel in my yard whom I will call Big Bad Bob. Bob is not your average puny
little squirrel, he is about the size of a small house cat and looks as vicious as a weasel. He comes scampering down from the trees in the backyard, scales the fence and buries his great big black walnuts in my territory! I am NOT pleased. Now it has been my lifelong ambition to kill a squirrel. I know some of you may be shocked by this and a little appalled because a lot of people have the misguided notion that squirrels are cute little furry creatures. Let me set you straight people. Squirrels are dangerous, crazy little heathens that will bite your face off if given half the chance! So I consider it my duty as a proper guard dog to rid my yard of the nasty little pests.

Just one teeny tiny little problem. I am a little bit afraid of Big Bad Bob. I am a big dog but I have a delicate nose that I hate to have bitten. Bella my cat knows this and she often goes for the nose when we have our many skirmishes. I am rather fond of my snout and would hate to have a squirrel bite it off and try to bury it in the yard like a black walnut! So I have to approach this particular varmint with care.

To make matters worse and to pile the pressure on me even more, just recently I have been showed up in the squirrel killing department by my grandma's dog, Bubba. Bubba is a rat terrier so naturally he has an advantage over me already, being bred to sniff out and destroy little creeps like squirrels and rats. He is 7 years old and I have tried numerous times to get him to teach me the fine art of squirrel assassination but unfortunately Bubba is a bit of a grouch and tries to kick my butt whenever I go near him. Bubba's sidekick, Grandma's other dog, Baby (who is a mini pin) jumps around beside him and chants, "kick her butt Bubba kick her butt!" NOT helpful to say the least!

Bubba, the Squirrel Assassin & His Faithful Sidekick Baby

So I am on my own I am afraid. But never fear I will figure out how to conquer Big Bad Bob and stop his nut hoarding if it's the last thing I do! And if all else fails maybe I can talk Bella into helping me out, she does pack quite a punch to the nose after all!

Wags and Kisses & Wish Me Luck!
Lexi

PS Mom has started another blog the crazy woman! It's a funny, spoof on the Little House books NOT to be taken seriously! So if you don't mind someone poking a little fun at an American icon (shame on you mom!) then take a look and become a follower! You can find it at:
http://lifestooshorttoliveinlittlehouses.blogspot.com/

Trick or Treats - But Not For Dogs!

So apparently there is this silly holiday coming up called Halloween. Even though I am two years old I haven't as yet paid much attention to this particular holiday but I have just been informed by my big sister Squeezy that Halloween is when human kids get to go door to door dressed up in costumes begging for treats. And they actually get them! Now when I beg for a treat sometimes I get one, but sometimes I just get a thunk and told to go lay down. How come I don't get to go trick or treating???

Mom says taking me trick or treating would probably not be a good idea. She says that some people might be a bit shocked or scared to open their door on a dark Halloween night and see a big black German Shepherd standing there with it's shiny sharp teeth open waiting for a treat. Well that's just plain silly! Like I'm gonna bite someone who's about to give me a tasty treat! Besides, if I could go trick or treating I wouldn't BE a German Shepherd, would I?? Because I'd be in costume, I might go as a cat for instance! A big cat, mind you, but a cat all the same!

This whole thing just seems incredibly unfair. Even the babies, Happy and Screechy are going trick or treating and they can't even eat proper food yet! All that candy going to waste! Now I know we dogs cannot have chocolate, but I do so love other candy. Particularly Nerds! I lovvveee Nerds! And Skittles and anything else fruity and hard! Last Christmas I helped mom and Squeezy make a Gingerbread House. And when I say helped I mean that I waited till everyone went to bed and then I ate every last bit of hard candy off that adorable little house! Sis and mom were not happy with me but it was sooooo good!

So anyway, I guess this Halloween I will be stuck at home in a dark house all alone with just Bella the cat for company while the rest of the family goes out trick or treating. Then later on Dad will probably put on some scary mask and chase me around the house until I bite him. That's usually all I get from this lousy holiday. But I am consoling myself with the thought that the next two holidays are Thanksgiving and Christmas and I will get to stuff myself full of good food and probably won't have to beg at all.

In the meantime, if there are any Nerds or Skittles rattling around in my siblings trick or treat bags I will sniff them out and in the dead of night, they will be mine, oh yesss, they will be mine!!!

Happy Halloween you crazy humans!

Wags and kisses,
Lexi