LexiDogweather

LexiDogweather
This is me (in case u hadn't guessed!)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Lucas





As many of you may or may not already know we've had a new addition to our family in the shape of Lucas, an 8 week old long coated German Shepherd pup. I knew this was coming, there have been ominous rumblings in the house for many months now about the possibility of getting a new playmate for yours truly. Apparently my folks have a problem with my laying around all day and napping! I myself did not realize this was a "problem". But according to them I should be running around outside all day jumping about and playing and acting silly (which I actually DO FYI!). So it was decided a new puppy would be just the thing to keep Lexi young and sprite.

Lucas might not make me young and sprite but he does make me quite crazy! He is cute, I will grudgingly admit, and he looks a lot like a tiny bear cub. But he has very sharp razor like teeth and an annoying yappy bark which grates on my nerves so much that I sometimes have to sit on him to get him to shut up! Also he tries to snitch my food which is absolutely, positively not to be tolerated! So when that happens I have to go all mother wolf on his sorry tail and bite and growl and pretend to be quite vicious to get my point across. And then the big baby cries and whines and carries on and mom and dad come running, I get shouted at and Lucas gets cuddles! Patently UNFAIR!

Everyone loves Lucas, oh he's so cute, so cuddly, so blah blah blah! Even my human siblings are in awe of him, chasing after him, sharing their cookies with him. That's hard to take when those chases and cookies used to be reserved just for me. I had thought that I would at least have an ally against Lucas in my cat Bella. After all Lucas has even sharper teeth than me and he's too stupid at this point to know the proper way to use them. But that darn cat actually seems to like the little cretin! Why last night she even kissed him on the nose while he slept! I'm flummoxed! Completely flummoxed!

I am told that when fully grown little Lucas will outweigh me by about forty pounds which is a bit irritating to say the least. So I had better whip him into shape now while he's still little, make him know that I, LexiDogweather, am top dog in this household and I always will be. As long as the little turkey toes the line we should have no problems. And I might even play with him on occasion if the spirit moves me.

So welcome to our family, little Lucas. And everyone else, buckle up for the ride - it just might be a bumpy one!

Wags and kisses
Lexi

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Rest In Peace Patches

My grandpa's dog Patches went to doggy heaven today, April 28, 2011. Patches suffered from seizures and finally had one that could not be stopped. We will miss her dearly but at least she is no longer suffering and is in heaven chasing butterflies that only she can see!

Rest in peace you silly old dog!

Your pal

Lexi :(

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

An Original Poem by LexiDogweather


DON'T HATE ME

Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful
Don't hate me cuz I'm fat
Don't hate me cuz I like to chase
That rotten little cat!

Don't hate me cuz I eat a lot
Don't hate me cuz I chew
I know I just might bark a lot
But hey, so do you!

Sometimes I know I am a pooper
But that's okay cuz you have the scooper!
So just love me lots and lots and lots
Because I am so super!

-Lexi Dogweather

Saturday, April 2, 2011

And now a word from our cat, Bella


Okay this bites, but mom says I must allow Bella a chance to address my frequent "attacks" (mom's word, not mine!) on her! Give me a break. Whatever. So here's the stupid cat.

Hello all, this is Isabella Ann Fairweather, or Bella for short. I believe you have heard about me from my big horrible smelly sister, Lexi. From what I understand she is quite the blogger, and enjoys sharing her little tales with you, mainly about moi and how she continually tries to eat me. I also understand she is fond of bragging about her so called "good looks" and "intelligence"and "talents". Barf.

Listen folks, I am not going to blather on and on about mundane events or brag about myself (though I will admit I am EXQUISITE). Instead I am going to tell you all you need to know about that big furry behemoth I call my sister. In fact, I am going to tell you all you need to know about every single canine on this planet. Are you ready? Wait for it..wait for it.....okay here it is....the TRUTH about dogs: THEY ARE STUPID.

That is all. Carry on.

Meow, purr, blah blah blah
Bella

We now return you to your regular stupid dog programming. Enjoy if you must.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Fur-Friends, Fur-Relations & Fur-Enemies

I am a lucky dog in that I am surrounded by some very special fur-animals, both in real life and on the net. They help make my life so interesting! A dog needs interesting, otherwise we just get bored and lay around and sleep all day and get into general mischief. (all of which I do regardless anyway!)

I thought it was high time I introduce my blog followers to all of the interesting critters in my life, the good AND bad!

As many of you know here in my own house lives my evil cat sister Bella. She and I are the same age and have many of the same interests. Such as chasing each other, biting each other and when no one is looking giving each other cuddly snuggles. (keep that on the down lo please! I do have a rep to protect!) Bella likes to go out of her way to tease me and I respond by trying to stuff her head into my mouth. It's an odd relationship, but it works for us!

Bella has a bestie she likes to hang with during the warmer months when she goes outside. He is a straggly, ugly looking stray cat I have aptly named Sir Skanks A lot. This evil beast and my evil cat sister delight in taunting me from the other side of the fence. They also use the next door neighbor's vegetable garden as a giant litter box! I have tried to sound the warning about this each and every time it happens but unfortunately my people do not understand what I am trying to do so I get shouted at and dragged inside. Meanwhile Bella and Sir Skanks A lot pee and poop and dig around in the veggies to their hearts content.

I've come to learn though that not ALL cats are bad. Take for instance, my internet pals The Wonder Cats. I love these these three little kitties so much I have made them honorary dogs! They sure know how to entertain with their playful antics. But the best part is that they barf on a regular basis! Now for a dog there is no better entertainment than seeing someone or something barf. I know it sounds gross, but if you were a dog trust me, you'd enjoy it too! After all, when someone pukes you get to see the food all over again! So big slurpy kisses to my Wonder Cats, they are awesome! Barf away my friends, barf away!

But I am a dog of course so most of my favorite anipals are canines. There is my Uncle Bubba who belongs to my grandma. Bubba is a rat terrier and in dog years is about one hundred zillion years old. Mom says he is a Grumpy Old Man. I say he is fun to jump around on and kiss, even if he does try to tear my face off on a regular basis! Grandma used to have another little doggy named Baby, who was a mini pin. She was about the size of a large rat, but she had a big dog personality so she and I got along great! My favorite game to play with Baby was "Somersault"! That's when a 74 lb. German Shepherd charges at a 6 lb mini pin and sends her head over heels! Great fun!!! Unfortunately Baby, like a lot of teeny tiny dogs, had a problem with learning not to poop and pee in the house and Grandma could not handle her anymore. So she found another loving family who has taken her in. I hope she is happy, I sure do miss somersaulting her!

My grandpa has a Border Collie named Patches. Patches was born deaf and a little bit daft, but she is great fun too. Although like Bubba she sometimes likes to try and rip my face off! (what is IT with these older dogs going after my delicate face???) Mom says Patches is in her own little world and I guess I would have to agree. Sometimes Patches barks at things that are not there and runs around in circles about 200 times before collapsing. But hey, she is great entertainment so I don't care how squirley she acts, she's having fun and so am I!

Yes I have a great many fur pals but I will admit, my all time favorite play mates are my three human siblings, Squeezy, Happy and Screechy. They might not have much fur, but they do barf on occasion and run around in circles and act completely mad, which makes them A-okay in this doggy's book!

So go hug your favorite Ani-pals today, afterall, think of how boring your life would be without them!

Until next time
Wags and Kisses
Lexi

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

IT'S OFFICIAL - HUMANS ARE WEIRD!

A strange new contraption has appeared in my house. It's called a "fish tank" Mom brought it home the other day and she and my big sis Squeezy put tiny little blue rocks and fake plants inside then filled it with water. Now they tell me that in a few days they plan to add some fish. Fish! In my house! Not fish to eat mind you, not fish to play with, but just fish to....watch. Mom says it will be "relaxing". I say it will be weird, and distracting, and I'm already being told if I put my wet nose on the glass and smear it all about I will get a whack!

This is just the latest in the string of really weird things my humans do and say. Things that just don't make sense to this dog. In fact, take the word "dog" for instance. In my world a dog is an adorable, smart, talented creature who requires constant pampering. But in the human world a "dog" can be many things. What I call a delicious tasty sausage, humans call a "hot dog". A hot dog???!!!! When I hear "hot dog" I'm thinking oh boy, is there a poor dog on fire??? Or, it's summer, and that is a hot dog! Or even, boy that lab across the street is sure a hot dog!! All those things make sense, the thought of a human eating a "hot dog" not only doesn't make sense, it's a bit scary! And sometimes a human will take a "hot dog" put it on a stick, cover it with deep fried cornmeal and call it a "corn dog"!!! Now how can that be right??? Wouldn't a "corn dog" actually mean a dog made out of corn?? Or a dog who lives in a corn field???

To add insult to injury humans even like to call an unattractive female a "dog"! Well thanks a lot people! I'll have you know we dogs are one of the most attractive, good looking creatures on this planet thank you very much! If you're looking for an animal to compare an icky looking person to try a cat or an iguana NOT a dog!

You two legged folks see no problem in using this odd language do you? But if a dog were to do the same I'm willing to bet you'd be mighty offended! How would you like it if instead of Kibbles and Bits we had a dog food called "Leg of Larry" or "Bits of Bob"?? And I can only imagine the uproar if we stuck one of you on a stick and deep fried you in batter!

It's not just dogs that get the brunt of your weirdness. Far be it from me to stick up for the feline population but I have to say that they too have been much maligned by the English language. An older female on the prowl for a younger man is called a "Cougar", a not so nice comment can be construed as being "catty". Then there are other confusing words, such as "catfish", which does not mean a fish that tastes like a cat. Supposedly it means a fish that LOOKS like a cat, though whoever came to that conclusion has some funny ideas of what a cat actually looks like! Last time I looked Bella didn't have any fins or scales - though maybe she's hiding them under all that fur!

Look, we dogs and cats love you guys, you feed us, pet us, spoil us, etc., but you have to be honest sometimes you are patently unfair to us as well. How come my dad can get away with passing all kinds of gas from every oriface of his body with nary a word from anyone, yet if I do the same I get shoved out of the house? And why is it all right for you humans to scratch in public, yet if I try to satisfy my own itches it's once again out the door with me? And the most confusing of all - why is it okay for you humans to get on the phone and yak yak yak, but if I go outside and try to chat up my anipal buddies with a good loud bark I get shouted at and/or whacked on the head? How would you feel if the next time you're flapping those jaws your dog came up and whacked you upside the head with a newspaper and told you to shut up? Yeah, wouldn't like it much would you? I thought not!

So I'm not asking for much here, just that maybe the next time you break out the grill to cook up some "dogs" remember your real dog, the kind that you hopefully would NOT eat. Call your dinner a "sausage" instead and cook up a couple for your precious pup. Remember, we may not be weird, but we think we're human too!

Till next time
Wags and Kisses from
Lexi

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Times A-Comin' - But It's Locked Behind A Baby Gate!


Well folks time is running out for a Christmas Blog post from me and mom said I'd better get crackin' if I wanted to post this before the big man himself makes an appearance tonight! This is kind of a tough time of year for me actually. While I LOVE the presents and food (all of which you are welcome to send by the way!) there are some things I do not enjoy. People don't seem to realize that this time of year can be hard on us pets. For instance....This year my beloved and much deserved pressies seem to be held prisoner behind that God awful baby gate, which is actually surrounding the Christmas tree! It's been explained to me that this is to protect the tree from my little bro and sis, Happy and Screechy. But all I know is that a) I can't get to the tree to steal ornaments to chew; b) I can't get to my cat Bella who likes to hang out under the tree; and worse worse worse I CAN'T GET TO MY PRESSIES!!! It's driving me crazy people! There right in front of my nose are the most lovely, enticing, tasty smelling gifts and I can't reach them!!!! All I can do is lay in front of the tree and look sad and pitiful hoping someone will take pity on me and let me open at least one gift. So far no luck!


Pining for pressies is HARD work!


Then there is all the cooking going on in this house. Food Food Food everywhere! And do I get even a taste??? NO! I get shoved outside to play in the snow, which I actually don't mind except for the next disturbing thing that happens this time of year...which is....

That WEIRD white dude that appears in the yard every single time it snows! What is up with THAT??? All I know is that big sis Squeezy goes out and rolls a bunch of snow around and makes this huge fat guy in the yard, then puts her scarf and hat on him, sticks a carrot in his face and dances around like a nut singing about someone named Frosty. Don't know who Frosty is, but I do know that it is my sacred doggy duty to destroy that white dude every time he makes an appearance in my yard. I do get the most extreme satisfaction from knocking his round little head off and eating his carrot nose! Not sure why Squeezy has such a hissy fit about this. It's not like she can't make another one!

Tonight after everyone has gone to sleep and I'm snoozing soundly the big man himself, Santa will suddenly appear in front of the tree and scare the pee out of me! What sucks is I am not allowed to bark or tear his leg off or I will not get any more lovely pressies. So I have to sit there like a good dog while that rotten cat Bella sneers at me and calls me a big chicken because I won't attack Santa. Oh she'd love that wouldn't she?? Thinks she'd get all the pressies then! I'm on to you sister!


Thanks for making me a Gingerbread House mom!


I don't mean to make it sound like Christmas is one big scary hassle for us pets. There are some very good points to it after all. Like tasty poop-scicles in the snowy yard, sampling the yummy Gingerbread House and of course my lovely pressies! But most of all what I do love about this time of year is how nice everyone is, even to a big dog like myself! And I suppose in the Spirit of the season I will try to share some good will with that pesky little cat Bella, though I don't think she'll return the sentiment.

So be nice to your pets, buy them lots of pressies and from my big dog house to yours, have a very Merry Christmas!


Wags and kisses,
Lexi