One Last Post

This is Lexi's mom.  I know we haven't posted much in the last several years and I apologize.  Our family has been busy with life and Lexi has been busy doing her dog stuff along with Lucas.  She has had a wonderful life, full of adventure.  Which makes this post all the harder to write.

Tonight, my husband and I sat with Lexi at her vet's office and held her, and petted her, and told her how much we loved her while she crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but also, I know, one of the kindest for our sweet girl.

Lexi was ten years old, and for most of those ten years she was in excellent health and very spunky and fun loving, sassy as heck and a HUGE part of our family.  Every night she slept next to our bed, on my side, which is where she started out in her kennel ten years ago.  She was my baby, just as much as my three human kids are.  

But this past month we noticed a change in our Lexi.  She started limping quite severely and seemed to be in a lot of pain.  At first I figured she'd just strained a muscle or something and it would pass.  But then gradually other symptoms appeared.  She started panting and pacing, and peeing in the house and having diarrhea.  I also noticed that her tail, which previously had never stopped wagging, was now hanging straight down and still.  Then she stopped eating. 

We got her right into the vet and he did xrays and took blood work but aside from a little arthritis in her ankles everything looked fine.  Only it wasn't.  For two weeks we treated her with pain and stomach medicine with no results.  We returned to the vet for more xrays and more bloodwork, but still everything came back fine.  But Lexi was not doing fine.  She refused to eat even the slightest thing, her peeing around the house got worse and she could no longer stand for more than a few minutes at a time. 

This morning I called the vet yet again and said she needed help.  They had me bring her this evening for a urinalysis, but when the vet put the needle in he discovered she was full of blood.  Lexi had a mass on her spleen, possibly cancerous.  I was devastated.  Surgery was a possibility, but, if the mass was cancerous she would only have 3 months to live or less.  We didn't want to let her go, but we knew we couldn't ask this poor sweet girl to suffer anymore.  So we made the hard decision to let her go peacefully with no more suffering.

I already miss her so badly, she really was the most wonderful dog, but she was way more than that.  There will always be a special place in my heart for a dog named Lexi, may she run around in the sky chasing butterflies to her heart's content.

We love you baby girl!!!

I fought the Pooper Scooper....and I WON!

I don't mean to brag but I don't think there is a pooper scooper in this town that can take me on and win! Maybe I can't destroy the vacuum cleaner or the lawn mower (yet!) but I have destroyed not one, but TWO pooper scoopers! Woohoo for me!

Okay you may be asking just what is my beef with the pooper scooper.  I just don't see the point of the picking up or "scooping" of my glorious pile of poop from the pristine yard.  I mean, I worked really hard to create that masterpiece, and let me tell you, sometimes it don't come easy!  Do you know how much food I have to eat to create a good size pile?  Do you know how much garbage I must rifle through to get just the right consistency, form, and especially smell?  It's not easy, I tell you, but all great artists must suffer for their craft and I'm no different.

And yes, stupid Lucas does contribute to the "art" once in a while, but lets be honest. His piles are nothing like mine, I mean any dog can dump a load the size of an elephant, it takes real talent to scatter your artwork gracefully around the yard in just the right places to guarantee prime "steppage" areas as I like to call them.  Oh yes, were you wondering if we dogs deliberately poop just where you humans are most likely to step?  Of course we do!  Your bare feet make the most wonderful patterns after all!  I'm being generous by letting you contribute to the overall project!  You should be grateful!

My mom is many things when she steps in my poop, but grateful, unfortunately doesn't seem to be one of them!  She gets downright cross for some odd reason.  Which brings me back to the ruined pooper scoopers....

So yes, I destroyed two of them...it's easy enough to do, you just grab them and chew them into bits and the deed is done. Easy Peasy folks. :P

Just don't count on your humans being happy about it.  Mom had to scoop my poop with the remains of the last pooper scooper and a stick. Lucas and I thought that was pretty funny.  It was even funnier to keep running in circles around mom and nearly knocking her over while she was bending over scooping poop with her little stick .  She was muttering all kinds of funny words that I can't repeat here!

Dad went to the pet store and came home with a new pooper scooper.  This one is made of wood and metal and the silly 'rents think I will not be able to destroy this one.  Because dogs don't chew wood....yeah right...*snicker snicker*

Need a toothpick anyone?  I should have several ready for you real soon, just as soon as I finish with my "artwork" out in the yard!

Happy Scoopin & Wags!
Lexi

Long time no post! (just lots of digging, itching, panting, etc etc etc)

Arrroooooo!!!  I'm so sorry I haven't posted in furreverrrrr!!!  It's not my fault, honest! Mom has been hogging the computer big time and simply won't get off even when I give her my sad sorry pouty puppy face. What is wrong with that woman??  Doesn't she know I need to update my own blog once in a blue moon!  Good gravy!

So let's see, what have I been up to since I posted last?  Ummmm....doing a lot of scratching as per usual, lots of turning my nose up at my dog food, lots of digging, bug hunting, cat harassing, Lucas bullying, toddler dodging, face licking, pooping and butt sniffing.  So pretty much the usual.

Oh and don't forget sleeping!  I take several beauty naps a day, a girl has to keep up her appearance after all, right?  Mom says I am turning into a lazy old lady, which is pretty high talk from a 44 year old human. Just sayin'....

The rest of the clan is doing well, Lucas is still an incredible doofus, though he is a much LARGER doofus than he was before.  He takes up way too much space if you ask me, but he does have his uses I guess.  And I can still whip his big furry butt so that's good!

And that stinkin' Bella? Oh yes, well she's still around, the other day I caught Lucas smooching on her when he thought no one was looking.  The secret cat lovin' doofus!  I kicked his butt of course.

Squeezy is still squeezing me but she doesn't pay me as much attention as before, mom says she is growing up and is a busy girl.  It makes me sad. :(  So I give her big smoochies whenever possible to remind her I am her super favorite #1 dog.

Screechy and Happy are still here too, but much much bigger.  Happy has abandoned me for that Doofus Lucas and Screechy, well I think I just might have re-name her Pokey. Because she keeps poking me in the eyes, ears, butt, it's getting rather annoying actually.  And BOTH Screechy and Happy have an unnatural attachment to that furball Bella.  I think Mom needs to step in and do an intervention over that one.  Personally I don't think Bella is a good influence.  She eats rodents after all! Ick!

And my dear old Dad?  He's still here too thank goodness!  We still hang out together and pass gas together, and eat junk food together.  He's an awesome dude!!!

Okay my friends, glad I could bring you up to date and I will try to post more if I can get Mom off the computer....maybe I could try locking her outside the house sometime....hmmmmm...it could work!

Till next time,
Wags & Kisses
From Lexi :P

Trip to the Zoo Without You-Know-Who (Me!)

Potter Park Zoo, Lansing, Michigan

Today the entire Fairweather family paid a visit to Potter's Park Zoo in Lansing, Michigan. Oh wait..that's not entirely true is it? Not the ENTIRE family, for three very important (or at least one very important & two minor individuals) were left out of the trip.  That being ME, top dog extraordinaire Lexi, and my brofur Lucas and evil cat sister Bella.

You see, as I am sure you are well aware, us domestic animals, or pets as some of us are called, are not allowed in zoos. I say how rude! I mean please, will someone tell me just what the problem is? If anyone should be allowed inside a zoo it's us anipals after all! I mean, we're related to half the critters in there aren't we?  The wolves and big cats in mine and Bella's cases, the grizzly bears in Lucas's...

Timber Wolf, pretty sure we're kin!

Thank God Bella isn't this big!

Apparently the "argument" is that us dogs especially would bark and frighten the animals in the exhibits. Oh please! So you're telling me that the screaming infants, tantrum throwing toddlers, precocious pre-teens and music blaring actual teens aren't scaring them already?? Not to mention all the hard of hearing Grandma's and Grandpa's out there shouting to make themselves heard.

Lucas, it's your brother Fred!

But there you go, it's just yet another example of discriminatory behavior towards us poor persecuted domesticated animals. We get no respect, seriously. We can't go in grocery stores, restaurants, banks - unless you're one of those dinky tiny dogs people carry in purses, in which case I'm not even sure you're a real dog! Or if you live in France...apparently the French at least have proper MANNERS and allow their citizens to bring their best friends along when they dine, even in those fancy schmancy French restaurants where they serve gross stuff like snails...

Hey, Dad! How'd you get on my blog?

He's waiting for a nice kitty to play! hee hee!

So we didn't get to go to the zoo, I missed yet another opportunity to interview one of my ancient ancestors, the wolf. I also missed the opportunity to slide Bella through the bars in the monkey house, ha ha, that would have been fun, huh?


 I am holding out hope that someday the world will be a more enlightened place, one that does not discriminate on the basis of race, religion, color of skin or whether or not you are covered in fur, scales or feathers.  Ahhh what a wonderful, wonderful place that will be...


Till next time,
Wags & kisses
Lexi :P

The Ears Have It

I have lovely ears, they are in fact my best feature.  People pay lots of $$$ and spend lots of time to get their dogs ears to stand up as beautifully as mine do.  German Shepherds are notorious for having the "ear flops" early on and people go to the most extreme measures to get those suckers to stand up.


Some of my litter mates had the "ear flops" but not me!  No my friends, LexiDogWeather's ears stood up practically from birth!  In fact it was my ears standing at attention that caught Mom's eye when she first saw me.  She saw me prancing around proudly full of confidence and bravado and knew right then I was the perfect dog.  

Squeezy and Me as a Pup, Proof I was Perfect!

Lucas finally gets it!

There are lots of dogs out there whose ears take forever to stand up.  Take Lucas for instance.  When he was a little pup his ears were sloppy floppy.  Oh sure everyone said it made him look cute, like a little grizzly bear.  I just thought it made him look like a doofus!  After a little while he did manage to get one ear to stand up, but the other still flopped down.  Now he looked even doofier!  Finally just a little while ago Lucas managed to get both ears to stand up.  It only took him five months to do what I had been able to do since birth!  Look, I'm not trying to sound smug, I'm just reminding everyone just who the top dog is in this house!

Floppy Eared Doofus

Now while I plainly adore my ears there are times when they do cause me trouble.  They are my biggest "tell" unfortunately, if I have done something wrong and I feel guilty my darn ears give me away.  I can't control it really or trust me I would!  I chew up Dad's shoes or get into the garbage and my ears slowwwwllly disappear against my head until it looks like I'm earless!  Mom takes one look at me and says, "Alright, what'd you do?"  

"Oh I'm So Guilty Ears"

"You better watch yo butt Ears"

"The Whacchoo Talkin' 'Bout Willis Ears"

You can always tell how I am feeling by the position of my ears.  If I am feeling sickish I will have one ear up and one ear down - that means you have approximately ten seconds to get me outside before I blow from one end or the other!  If I am sad I get "bat ears" meaning my ears stand out kind of sideways from my head like a bat!  Ears straight up and turned right towards you.....ummm you better run buddy - those ears mean a German Shepherd on your behind!    But ears looking beautiful and turned just right and me looking gorgeous?  Well that's just me, LexiDogWeather in all my glory.


Don't feel bad humans that your ears can't do much but sit there on the sides of your head, we can't all be perfect.  


Oh and one more thing about dog ears, they are excellent for listening to hear the sound of the can opener for dinner...which I hear right now!  So....


Till next time
Wags and Kisses
Lexi

Sum-Sum Summertime!

Well today is the official first day of Summer!  I have admit this is not my favorite season.  Maybe if I didn't wear two heavy coats of fur I'd think differently, but I much prefer winter time when I can roll around in that cool, crisp snow to this current season which finds me panting, itching, sneezing and usually in a bad temper.  You see in addition to suffering from the heat I also suffer from allergies!  You read that right, us doggies can get seasonal allergies too, I have hay fever just like my mom and big sis Squeezy.  Every spring I have to make a visit to the dreaded Vet's office to get my allergy shot, which makes things a bit more tolerable.

My "Wet" Look!

To help combat the heat and keep us comfortable this year Dad bought us a little wading pool!  Supposedly it's for the human kids in the house, but who are they kidding?  Lucas and I have commandeered the pool for our own uses..such as wading, paddling, dunking Bella...you get the picture!


Unfortunately big sis Squeezy seems to have a "problem" with us soiling her precious little pool on the occasions she decides to use it.  Apparently she doesn't like to swim among sand, dirt, bugs, grass clippings and the occasional doody that Lucas lets loose!  Gosh, as long as I live I will never understand these humans!

Killing the evil water snake!

Lucas playing dead, hoping the hose won't notice!

To keep the peace Dad sometimes breaks out the hose and sprays us, which Squeezy and I love and Lucas hates. Poor dumb pup is terrified of the hose and runs and hides when he sees it coming.  Not me though!  I like to pretend that spray of water is a big scary snake and my job is to kill it dead!!!  

Action Shot!

Aside from the water there are a couple of other things I do like about Summertime.  Grilling would have to be on the top of that list!  Every year Dad gets the grill out and cooks up the most delicious smelling sausages and burgers!  And every year I plant myself next to that grill and wait patiently (okay not always THAT patiently) for my portion!  Unfortunately this year I have to share with Lucas, but it's still one of the highlights of the season.


The only other thing I like about summer is that's when the best bugs come out and I get to go bug hunting. If you haven't gone bug hunting yet you don't know what you're missing.  There is an art to this and few people realize that us dogs have it down to a science.  I stalk my prey silently....waiting till just the right moment then I POUNCE!  Tigger-like with both front paws, squishing that bug flat!  Then I eat it!  Yum!!!


So enjoy your Summertime folks, it's a long hot season and I can't wait for the cold of winter...but in the meantime I'll try to enjoy it too with as little complaining as possible.  Happy Bug hunting!


Wags and Kisses
Lexi

Lucas

As many of you may or may not already know we've had a new addition to our family in the shape of Lucas, an 8 week old long coated German Shepherd pup. I knew this was coming, there have been ominous rumblings in the house for many months now about the possibility of getting a new playmate for yours truly. Apparently my folks have a problem with my laying around all day and napping! I myself did not realize this was a "problem". But according to them I should be running around outside all day jumping about and playing and acting silly (which I actually DO FYI!). So it was decided a new puppy would be just the thing to keep Lexi young and sprite.

Lucas might not make me young and sprite but he does make me quite crazy! He is cute, I will grudgingly admit, and he looks a lot like a tiny bear cub. But he has very sharp razor like teeth and an annoying yappy bark which grates on my nerves so much that I sometimes have to sit on him to get him to shut up! Also he tries to snitch my food which is absolutely, positively not to be tolerated! So when that happens I have to go all mother wolf on his sorry tail and bite and growl and pretend to be quite vicious to get my point across. And then the big baby cries and whines and carries on and mom and dad come running, I get shouted at and Lucas gets cuddles! Patently UNFAIR!

Everyone loves Lucas, oh he's so cute, so cuddly, so blah blah blah! Even my human siblings are in awe of him, chasing after him, sharing their cookies with him. That's hard to take when those chases and cookies used to be reserved just for me. I had thought that I would at least have an ally against Lucas in my cat Bella. After all Lucas has even sharper teeth than me and he's too stupid at this point to know the proper way to use them. But that darn cat actually seems to like the little cretin! Why last night she even kissed him on the nose while he slept! I'm flummoxed! Completely flummoxed!

I am told that when fully grown little Lucas will outweigh me by about forty pounds which is a bit irritating to say the least. So I had better whip him into shape now while he's still little, make him know that I, LexiDogweather, am top dog in this household and I always will be. As long as the little turkey toes the line we should have no problems. And I might even play with him on occasion if the spirit moves me.

So welcome to our family, little Lucas. And everyone else, buckle up for the ride - it just might be a bumpy one!

Wags and kisses

Lexi

Rest In Peace Patches

My grandpa's dog Patches went to doggy heaven today, April 28, 2011. Patches suffered from seizures and finally had one that could not be stopped. We will miss her dearly but at least she is no longer suffering and is in heaven chasing butterflies that only she can see!

Rest in peace you silly old dog!

Your pal

Lexi :(

An Original Poem by LexiDogweather

DON'T HATE ME

Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful

Don't hate me cuz I'm fat

Don't hate me cuz I like to chase

That rotten little cat!

Don't hate me cuz I eat a lot

Don't hate me cuz I chew

I know I just might bark a lot

But hey, so do you!

Sometimes I know I am a pooper

But that's okay cuz you have the scooper!

So just love me lots and lots and lots

Because I am so super!

-Lexi Dogweather

And now a word from our cat, Bella

Okay this bites, but mom says I must allow Bella a chance to address my frequent "attacks" (mom's word, not mine!) on her! Give me a break. Whatever. So here's the stupid cat.

Hello all, this is Isabella Ann Fairweather, or Bella for short. I believe you have heard about me from my big horrible smelly sister, Lexi. From what I understand she is quite the blogger, and enjoys sharing her little tales with you, mainly about moi and how she continually tries to eat me. I also understand she is fond of bragging about her so called "good looks" and "intelligence"and "talents". Barf.

Listen folks, I am not going to blather on and on about mundane events or brag about myself (though I will admit I am EXQUISITE). Instead I am going to tell you all you need to know about that big furry behemoth I call my sister. In fact, I am going to tell you all you need to know about every single canine on this planet. Are you ready? Wait for it..wait for it.....okay here it is....the TRUTH about dogs: THEY ARE STUPID.

That is all. Carry on.

Meow, purr, blah blah blah

Bella

We now return you to your regular stupid dog programming. Enjoy if you must.

Fur-Friends, Fur-Relations & Fur-Enemies

I am a lucky dog in that I am surrounded by some very special fur-animals, both in real life and on the net. They help make my life so interesting! A dog needs interesting, otherwise we just get bored and lay around and sleep all day and get into general mischief. (all of which I do regardless anyway!)

I thought it was high time I introduce my blog followers to all of the interesting critters in my life, the good AND bad!

As many of you know here in my own house lives my evil cat sister Bella. She and I are the same age and have many of the same interests. Such as chasing each other, biting each other and when no one is looking giving each other cuddly snuggles. (keep that on the down lo please! I do have a rep to protect!) Bella likes to go out of her way to tease me and I respond by trying to stuff her head into my mouth. It's an odd relationship, but it works for us!

Bella has a bestie she likes to hang with during the warmer months when she goes outside. He is a straggly, ugly looking stray cat I have aptly named Sir Skanks A lot. This evil beast and my evil cat sister delight in taunting me from the other side of the fence. They also use the next door neighbor's vegetable garden as a giant litter box! I have tried to sound the warning about this each and every time it happens but unfortunately my people do not understand what I am trying to do so I get shouted at and dragged inside. Meanwhile Bella and Sir Skanks A lot pee and poop and dig around in the veggies to their hearts content.

I've come to learn though that not ALL cats are bad. Take for instance, my internet pals The Wonder Cats. I love these these three little kitties so much I have made them honorary dogs! They sure know how to entertain with their playful antics. But the best part is that they barf on a regular basis! Now for a dog there is no better entertainment than seeing someone or something barf. I know it sounds gross, but if you were a dog trust me, you'd enjoy it too! After all, when someone pukes you get to see the food all over again! So big slurpy kisses to my Wonder Cats, they are awesome! Barf away my friends, barf away!

But I am a dog of course so most of my favorite anipals are canines. There is my Uncle Bubba who belongs to my grandma. Bubba is a rat terrier and in dog years is about one hundred zillion years old. Mom says he is a Grumpy Old Man. I say he is fun to jump around on and kiss, even if he does try to tear my face off on a regular basis! Grandma used to have another little doggy named Baby, who was a mini pin. She was about the size of a large rat, but she had a big dog personality so she and I got along great! My favorite game to play with Baby was "Somersault"! That's when a 74 lb. German Shepherd charges at a 6 lb mini pin and sends her head over heels! Great fun!!! Unfortunately Baby, like a lot of teeny tiny dogs, had a problem with learning not to poop and pee in the house and Grandma could not handle her anymore. So she found another loving family who has taken her in. I hope she is happy, I sure do miss somersaulting her!

My grandpa has a Border Collie named Patches. Patches was born deaf and a little bit daft, but she is great fun too. Although like Bubba she sometimes likes to try and rip my face off! (what is IT with these older dogs going after my delicate face???) Mom says Patches is in her own little world and I guess I would have to agree. Sometimes Patches barks at things that are not there and runs around in circles about 200 times before collapsing. But hey, she is great entertainment so I don't care how squirley she acts, she's having fun and so am I!

Yes I have a great many fur pals but I will admit, my all time favorite play mates are my three human siblings, Squeezy, Happy and Screechy. They might not have much fur, but they do barf on occasion and run around in circles and act completely mad, which makes them A-okay in this doggy's book!

So go hug your favorite Ani-pals today, afterall, think of how boring your life would be without them!

Until next time

Wags and Kisses

Lexi

IT'S OFFICIAL - HUMANS ARE WEIRD!

A strange new contraption has appeared in my house. It's called a "fish tank" Mom brought it home the other day and she and my big sis Squeezy put tiny little blue rocks and fake plants inside then filled it with water. Now they tell me that in a few days they plan to add some fish. Fish! In my house! Not fish to eat mind you, not fish to play with, but just fish to....watch. Mom says it will be "relaxing". I say it will be weird, and distracting, and I'm already being told if I put my wet nose on the glass and smear it all about I will get a whack!

This is just the latest in the string of really weird things my humans do and say. Things that just don't make sense to this dog. In fact, take the word "dog" for instance. In my world a dog is an adorable, smart, talented creature who requires constant pampering. But in the human world a "dog" can be many things. What I call a delicious tasty sausage, humans call a "hot dog". A hot dog???!!!! When I hear "hot dog" I'm thinking oh boy, is there a poor dog on fire??? Or, it's summer, and that is a hot dog! Or even, boy that lab across the street is sure a hot dog!! All those things make sense, the thought of a human eating a "hot dog" not only doesn't make sense, it's a bit scary! And sometimes a human will take a "hot dog" put it on a stick, cover it with deep fried cornmeal and call it a "corn dog"!!! Now how can that be right??? Wouldn't a "corn dog" actually mean a dog made out of corn?? Or a dog who lives in a corn field???

To add insult to injury humans even like to call an unattractive female a "dog"! Well thanks a lot people! I'll have you know we dogs are one of the most attractive, good looking creatures on this planet thank you very much! If you're looking for an animal to compare an icky looking person to try a cat or an iguana NOT a dog!

You two legged folks see no problem in using this odd language do you? But if a dog were to do the same I'm willing to bet you'd be mighty offended! How would you like it if instead of Kibbles and Bits we had a dog food called "Leg of Larry" or "Bits of Bob"?? And I can only imagine the uproar if we stuck one of you on a stick and deep fried you in batter!

It's not just dogs that get the brunt of your weirdness. Far be it from me to stick up for the feline population but I have to say that they too have been much maligned by the English language. An older female on the prowl for a younger man is called a "Cougar", a not so nice comment can be construed as being "catty". Then there are other confusing words, such as "catfish", which does not mean a fish that tastes like a cat. Supposedly it means a fish that LOOKS like a cat, though whoever came to that conclusion has some funny ideas of what a cat actually looks like! Last time I looked Bella didn't have any fins or scales - though maybe she's hiding them under all that fur!

Look, we dogs and cats love you guys, you feed us, pet us, spoil us, etc., but you have to be honest sometimes you are patently unfair to us as well. How come my dad can get away with passing all kinds of gas from every oriface of his body with nary a word from anyone, yet if I do the same I get shoved out of the house? And why is it all right for you humans to scratch in public, yet if I try to satisfy my own itches it's once again out the door with me? And the most confusing of all - why is it okay for you humans to get on the phone and yak yak yak, but if I go outside and try to chat up my anipal buddies with a good loud bark I get shouted at and/or whacked on the head? How would you feel if the next time you're flapping those jaws your dog came up and whacked you upside the head with a newspaper and told you to shut up? Yeah, wouldn't like it much would you? I thought not!

So I'm not asking for much here, just that maybe the next time you break out the grill to cook up some "dogs" remember your real dog, the kind that you hopefully would NOT eat. Call your dinner a "sausage" instead and cook up a couple for your precious pup. Remember, we may not be weird, but we think we're human too!

Till next time

Wags and Kisses from

Lexi

Christmas Times A-Comin' - But It's Locked Behind A Baby Gate!

Well folks time is running out for a Christmas Blog post from me and mom said I'd better get crackin' if I wanted to post this before the big man himself makes an appearance tonight! This is kind of a tough time of year for me actually. While I LOVE the presents and food (all of which you are welcome to send by the way!) there are some things I do not enjoy. People don't seem to realize that this time of year can be hard on us pets. For instance....This year my beloved and much deserved pressies seem to be held prisoner behind that God awful baby gate, which is actually surrounding the Christmas tree! It's been explained to me that this is to protect the tree from my little bro and sis, Happy and Screechy. But all I know is that a) I can't get to the tree to steal ornaments to chew; b) I can't get to my cat Bella who likes to hang out under the tree; and worse worse worse I CAN'T GET TO MY PRESSIES!!! It's driving me crazy people! There right in front of my nose are the most lovely, enticing, tasty smelling gifts and I can't reach them!!!! All I can do is lay in front of the tree and look sad and pitiful hoping someone will take pity on me and let me open at least one gift. So far no luck!

Pining for pressies is HARD work!

Then there is all the cooking going on in this house. Food Food Food everywhere! And do I get even a taste??? NO! I get shoved outside to play in the snow, which I actually don't mind except for the next disturbing thing that happens this time of year...which is....

That WEIRD white dude that appears in the yard every single time it snows! What is up with THAT??? All I know is that big sis Squeezy goes out and rolls a bunch of snow around and makes this huge fat guy in the yard, then puts her scarf and hat on him, sticks a carrot in his face and dances around like a nut singing about someone named Frosty. Don't know who Frosty is, but I do know that it is my sacred doggy duty to destroy that white dude every time he makes an appearance in my yard. I do get the most extreme satisfaction from knocking his round little head off and eating his carrot nose! Not sure why Squeezy has such a hissy fit about this. It's not like she can't make another one!

Tonight after everyone has gone to sleep and I'm snoozing soundly the big man himself, Santa will suddenly appear in front of the tree and scare the pee out of me! What sucks is I am not allowed to bark or tear his leg off or I will not get any more lovely pressies. So I have to sit there like a good dog while that rotten cat Bella sneers at me and calls me a big chicken because I won't attack Santa. Oh she'd love that wouldn't she?? Thinks she'd get all the pressies then! I'm on to you sister!

Thanks for making me a Gingerbread House mom!

I don't mean to make it sound like Christmas is one big scary hassle for us pets. There are some very good points to it after all. Like tasty poop-scicles in the snowy yard, sampling the yummy Gingerbread House and of course my lovely pressies! But most of all what I do love about this time of year is how nice everyone is, even to a big dog like myself! And I suppose in the Spirit of the season I will try to share some good will with that pesky little cat Bella, though I don't think she'll return the sentiment.

So be nice to your pets, buy them lots of pressies and from my big dog house to yours, have a very Merry Christmas!

Wags and kisses,

Lexi

Beware Of Little Squirrels With Big Nuts!

There is a big bad squirrel in my yard whom I will call Big Bad Bob. Bob is not your average puny
little squirrel, he is about the size of a small house cat and looks as vicious as a weasel. He comes scampering down from the trees in the backyard, scales the fence and buries his great big black walnuts in my territory! I am NOT pleased. Now it has been my lifelong ambition to kill a squirrel. I know some of you may be shocked by this and a little appalled because a lot of people have the misguided notion that squirrels are cute little furry creatures. Let me set you straight people. Squirrels are dangerous, crazy little heathens that will bite your face off if given half the chance! So I consider it my duty as a proper guard dog to rid my yard of the nasty little pests.

Just one teeny tiny little problem. I am a little bit afraid of Big Bad Bob. I am a big dog but I have a delicate nose that I hate to have bitten. Bella my cat knows this and she often goes for the nose when we have our many skirmishes. I am rather fond of my snout and would hate to have a squirrel bite it off and try to bury it in the yard like a black walnut! So I have to approach this particular varmint with care.

To make matters worse and to pile the pressure on me even more, just recently I have been showed up in the squirrel killing department by my grandma's dog, Bubba. Bubba is a rat terrier so naturally he has an advantage over me already, being bred to sniff out and destroy little creeps like squirrels and rats. He is 7 years old and I have tried numerous times to get him to teach me the fine art of squirrel assassination but unfortunately Bubba is a bit of a grouch and tries to kick my butt whenever I go near him. Bubba's sidekick, Grandma's other dog, Baby (who is a mini pin) jumps around beside him and chants, "kick her butt Bubba kick her butt!" NOT helpful to say the least!

Bubba, the Squirrel Assassin & His Faithful Sidekick Baby

So I am on my own I am afraid. But never fear I will figure out how to conquer Big Bad Bob and stop his nut hoarding if it's the last thing I do! And if all else fails maybe I can talk Bella into helping me out, she does pack quite a punch to the nose after all!

Wags and Kisses & Wish Me Luck!
Lexi

PS Mom has started another blog the crazy woman! It's a funny, spoof on the Little House books NOT to be taken seriously! So if you don't mind someone poking a little fun at an American icon (shame on you mom!) then take a look and become a follower! You can find it at:
http://lifestooshorttoliveinlittlehouses.blogspot.com/

Trick or Treats - But Not For Dogs!

So apparently there is this silly holiday coming up called Halloween. Even though I am two years old I haven't as yet paid much attention to this particular holiday but I have just been informed by my big sister Squeezy that Halloween is when human kids get to go door to door dressed up in costumes begging for treats. And they actually get them! Now when I beg for a treat sometimes I get one, but sometimes I just get a thunk and told to go lay down. How come I don't get to go trick or treating???

Mom says taking me trick or treating would probably not be a good idea. She says that some people might be a bit shocked or scared to open their door on a dark Halloween night and see a big black German Shepherd standing there with it's shiny sharp teeth open waiting for a treat. Well that's just plain silly! Like I'm gonna bite someone who's about to give me a tasty treat! Besides, if I could go trick or treating I wouldn't BE a German Shepherd, would I?? Because I'd be in costume, I might go as a cat for instance! A big cat, mind you, but a cat all the same!

This whole thing just seems incredibly unfair. Even the babies, Happy and Screechy are going trick or treating and they can't even eat proper food yet! All that candy going to waste! Now I know we dogs cannot have chocolate, but I do so love other candy. Particularly Nerds! I lovvveee Nerds! And Skittles and anything else fruity and hard! Last Christmas I helped mom and Squeezy make a Gingerbread House. And when I say helped I mean that I waited till everyone went to bed and then I ate every last bit of hard candy off that adorable little house! Sis and mom were not happy with me but it was sooooo good!

So anyway, I guess this Halloween I will be stuck at home in a dark house all alone with just Bella the cat for company while the rest of the family goes out trick or treating. Then later on Dad will probably put on some scary mask and chase me around the house until I bite him. That's usually all I get from this lousy holiday. But I am consoling myself with the thought that the next two holidays are Thanksgiving and Christmas and I will get to stuff myself full of good food and probably won't have to beg at all.

In the meantime, if there are any Nerds or Skittles rattling around in my siblings trick or treat bags I will sniff them out and in the dead of night, they will be mine, oh yesss, they will be mine!!!

Happy Halloween you crazy humans!

Wags and kisses,
Lexi

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Today I am two years old! I am hoping for a cake, ice cream and prezzies later, we'll see if mom and dad come through!

In honor of my birthday I thought it would be nice to share my life story with you! It's been a great two years and it all started at Cher Car Kennels in St. Johns, Michigan where I was born on September 15, 2008. My mom, Shelby, had ten pups total, 7 boys and 3 girls. She has since had another litter with eleven more pups!! She deserves her own reality show on TLC, don't ya think?

My Mom Shelby. Don't we look alike??

My dad was Gamble, a big beautiful male shepherd who has fathered a whole lot of pups! He gets around that old boy! I didn't see much of my dad, he was kept in a separate kennel but he looked pretty impressive to me! My siblings and I had lots of fun with each other, play fighting, smelling each other's butts, you know, the usual dog stuff!

The Big Man Himself! My daddy, Gamble.

Me and my siblings. I am in this pile somewhere!


Just look for the cutest one, that's me!

When I was around 6 weeks old my human family paid a visit to Cher Car Kennels to pick out a pup. I would like to be able to say that they took one look at me and fell right in love and said I was THE one. But no. They picked one of my sisters instead! I was heartbroken, after all, my human mom picked me up and I peed all over her! I thought we had a connection! To be fair, later on mom did say that she had her eye on me and thought I looked like the kind of dog she wanted but she got out voted by dad and my big human sis Maddie (aka Squeezy). Thanks A LOT guys!!

Two weeks passed and then mom and dad and Squeezy came back to pick up their pup. A lot had changed in two weeks. I was still my wonderful special self, only even better. My doggie sis on the other hand had turned into a whiny, howling mess! Mom and dad took one look, or rather one earful of her and looked at each other in despair. My breeder Cheryl told them to take another look at all us pups before they made their final choice. That's when mom looked at me and said, "That one!"

I was thrilled to have been chosen! Okay, actually I had no idea what was about to happen to me and probably would have FREAKED if I'd known I was being taken away from my mom and siblings. But I was blissfully unaware as mom carried me to the car for the ride home. It wasn't long before I realized something weird was happening. Mom held me all the way home but that didn't stop me from crying and shaking all the way there. I didn't know who these people were, I just knew that suddenly I was in a big moving thing and my big black mama was nowhere in sight!

We made it home without me peeing on mom this time and they took me right outside to the big backyard. I was VERY impressed! Lots of grass, lots of trees, and lots of room to poop! My kinda yard! After a quick pee and a dump they took me back inside to show me around and introduce me to my new furry sister, Bella the cat.

Bella had just been added to the family herself, only one week before. She was four months old so she wasn't a tiny kitten but she wasn't a full grown cat by any means. Bella took one look at me and before I could even give her a friendly hello slobber that cat took off like a bat out of hell! I didn't see her again for about 4 days! Eventually we became the best of friends and she even let me sit on her and put her head in my mouth occasionally. (and I must say, back in those early days it was much easier to fit her head in my mouth. Her head has grown considerably in these last two years unfortunately).

Me and Bella, with her paw in my mouth. She loves it, really!

Mom and dad let me roam around a little but I was very nervous and scared and so I got lots of cuddles. That first night was bad, very bad! When it got dark mom gave me kisses and then put me a in big cage in the dining room. The lights went out and I was left alone!!! So I did what any normal 8 week old pup would do - I howled like a mad wolf dog! Mom came running, got me quiet then went back to bed. So I howled again. I kept up howling until finally mom let me sleep with her on the couch.

Just call me a couch potato!

The next morning I was told that would not work. I would have to learn to sleep in my kennel like a good pup. That night back into the cage I went. And that night, I howled again. This time I got to spend the entire night on mom and dad's bed! I was starting to like this bedtime business!

The next day mom read on the computer that you should put the dog's kennel next to your bed at night, so the next night I found myself back in the cage, but this time I was right next to my new mom. I could hear her, smell her, feel her pat me in the night. And I finally learned to sleep like a real dog! Until, that is, Bella the night stalker struck!

Bella the Night Stalker!

That crazy insane cat would sleep all day and prowl around all night. This is what cat's do for some ungodly reason. They don't have the sense to sleep at night like us dogs and humans do. No, at night they stay awake so they can bug the hell out of us! So there I am, this sweet little innocent pup trying to catch some shut eye in my cozy kennel when from out of nowhere, between the wires of my cage, comes this very long, very sharp cat claw!!! I nearly jumped out of my skin! I looked up into two shining creepy green eyes! That furry monster was on top of my kennel, ready to strike again!

I howled for mom and didn't stop howling until she got up and evicted that wretched kitten from the room. I tried to get back to sleep but from that point on I really wanted no part of that kennel. I much preferred to sleep on the couch or with Squeezy so I could retaliate quickly should that furry fiend attack again.

Just put your head in my mouth cat!

I'd like to be able to say my puppyhood went by without a snag, that I was a model pup, but truth be told I was a bit naughty. Actually, the term "vicious alligator" was mentioned quite a bit. You see, we pups like to bite and nip our doggy moms, it's how we show her love. And in return, she bites and nips and licks us and all is good! Only, humans don't seem to like the biting and nipping so much. Especially when it's done to your face. And your ears. And it draws blood! Mom tells me that I came verrrry close to losing my happy home when I was around 10 weeks old. I was a bit unruly, standoffish, and very very very bitey! Squeezy was afraid of me, she'd run screaming away from me when I tried to play with her because apparently my play involved biting her hard on the hand and making her bleed! Then there was the time I played with dad and bit his ear and made that bleed. And the time I jumped up to greet my mom and bit her on the nose and made that bleed! (are you understanding the vicious alligator bit by now?)

Me & Squeezy once she stopped being afraid of me!

Is this the face of an alligator??

Dad wanted to send me back to the breeder. He said there must be something wrong with me because he'd had Shepherds when he grew up and they were nothing like me. I had no way of letting dad know that what was going on was I was just struggling to get used to my new family and home. I was too young to understand yet that biting hurts and that people really don't like to bleed! Luckily for me mom had fallen head over heels in love with me and wanted to stick with me. So she and dad started working with me day after day to teach me not to bite and also to teach me who was boss. Boss was mom and dad and not me! And Squeezy was my sister and not my chew toy. And Bella was my sister, but I could still use her as a chew toy when no one was looking! (ha ha just kidding mom and dad!) *wink *wink

While I was being taught not to chew people's faces off I was also being housebroken. This I was pretty good at. I learned pretty quickly to pee and poop outside and had only a few accidents. Unless you count the numerous times I got excited when playing and piddled on Squeezy's bean bag chair. (don't worry I eventually outgrew that!)

My favorite sleeping position, which mom says is not very lady like!

Puppyhood has flown by and I can't believe I am now two whole years old! Mom and dad say I still act like a puppy and they are so glad because I am so much fun now. I don't bite anymore and I am comfortable sleeping just about anywhere in the entire house as long as it's not in a cage! I am looking forward to growing old with my dear old mom and dad and my sibs Bella, Squeezy, Happy and Screechy. I am one lucky dog!

And now for my cake and presents!!!!

Wags and kisses,
from 2 year old Lexi!

What Did I Ever Do To Montezuma??

I hate to be indelicate, but I have what is commonly referred to as "Montezuma's Revenge"! Otherwise known as the Hershey Squirts, the Runs, Anal Leakage, or if you want to be politically correct you could say I am currently "fecally challenged".

I don't know what has caused this most recent bout of doggy drips, but I sure wish it would end! Most likely I ate something I shouldn't have. Can't imagine what it could have been, but I do know it probably wasn't dog food because I haven't been eating much of that garbage lately! Yes I have been getting lots of tasty human food lately plus a big helping of Bella's cat food whenever I can steal some. Mom is not happy, she says this cannot continue and she is going to call the VET! She says she is going to ask him for a diet for me, something healthy and nourishing, something GOOD for dogs. Blech! Can't wait to see what my evil nemesis will recommend. (that's sarcasm by the way in case you hadn't guessed!)

All I know is that I have to get my digestive system restored before next week when I turn 2 years old. I am looking forward to my birthday party and lots of cake and ice cream and presents! So Montezuma you need to take your revenge and hit the road so I can party like a real dog should!

Gotta run (literally!)

Wags and kisses,
Lexi

School Stinks!

Today was the first day of school for my big sis Squeezy. She is going into the 3rd grade, which means that pretty soon she will know almost as much as I do! I do not like school because it takes my big sis away from me for almost the entire day! And not just one day either, like a zillion days, and I am left to lie around and mope until she comes home in the late afternoon. Whoever invented this school thing (and something tells me they are a cat person!) is no friend of mine!

It wasn't always so bad. I remember when I was a little pup I got to go with mom to take Squeezy to school and to pick her up. I had so much fun riding in the van to school, then mom would put the leash on me and we would walk up to the building to wait for sis to appear. I loved showing off, playing and barking and rolling around in front of everyone. And of course I soaked up the compliments that came my way from all the other moms and dads. Then the doors would finally open and all the kids would spill out. They all came running for me but I only had eyes for my Squeezy! She would run up and hug the daylights out of me and we would kiss kiss kiss! But then I got too big and the other moms got nervous for some reason and my mom had to leave me at home. Sometimes it sucks growing up!

Mom says I need to cheer up because I still have Happy and Screechy to play with. I guess she's right, although to tell you the truth I am noticing a disturbing development with those two. They are starting to move about and when they move about they come after me and pull my hair and tail and Screechy especially tries to eat me! What's that all about????

But I guess mom is right, I better enjoy it while it lasts because in no time at all that awful school will take away my little bro and sis too. And THEN what will I do????

Wags and kisses from this sad little (or not so little) pup
Lexi

Why Does My Dog Do That???

If you are a dog, like me, many are the times you hear "Why do you do things like this???" when all you are doing is behaving like your normal wonderful self. As a species you humans are so difficult to figure out, we dogs however, shouldn't be that hard, but apparently to you guys some of what we do remains a mystery. That is why I have decided to answer some simple questions about some of the things we dogs do that have you humans flummoxed.

Question: Why does my dog feel the need to follow me to the bathroom every time I go, and why does he have to sit outside the door and whine and cry until I come out?

Answer: The reason we do this is because we are afraid you will go in there and not come back out! We've seen with our own eyes how that thing you call the toilet (and what we call our extra water bowl) will suddenly make a hideous noise, swirl around like crazy and then whatever is inside it disappears! Who would feed us if that were to happen to you? And an even more important question, how can I stuff Bella in there? (kidding!)

Question: Sometimes my dog runs around in circles for no apparent reason. What does this mean?

Answer: It could mean your dog is bored and needs you to play with him, or give him a cuddle. Then again it could just mean your dog is very weird!

Question: Why does my dog suddenly go crazy and run around like a maniac?

Answer: We like to play "mad dog" and "crazy wolf"! Those are our favorite games, aside from "eat the cat". Besides running around like a maniac is very therapeutic! Try it sometime!

Question: Why does my dog seem to worship my husband when I, the wife, am the one caring for my dog all day? What's my husband got that I don't have?

Answer: Your husband is the alpha male, you as the wife are the alpha female, but in the doggy world males come first (sorry, it sucks I know, but that's the rule!) So we kiss daddy first and love on him like crazy then you get your turn. But don't worry! If we are sick and feel pukey then the rules reverse and we come find you! Feel better now??

Question: Why does my dog go out to pee, then two seconds later come in and pee all over my floor??

Answer: If your dog is doing this suddenly he could be sick, take him to the wretched evil vet ASAP! If however your dog does this all the time he's just messing with you for a laugh! Sometimes we are naughty like that! (on a serious note, any time your dog doesn't seem "right" take him to the vet, better safe than sorry!)

Question: Do you think it bothers my dog that he/she is fixed and will never have puppies?

Answer: You can't miss what you've never known, right??? Just give us lots of our own little stuffed lovies to chew on and we won't miss the pups we never had!

Question: Lexi, is it true that you are the most awesome, beautiful, smart, talented dog on the planet?

Answer: Why, yes, yes it is! Thanks for pointing that out! xoxoxoxo

Question: Why does my dog sometimes stare at me for long periods of time and I can't figure out what they are trying to tell me?

Answer: When we do this we are trying to read your mind and more often than not we can't find anything worth reading! (ouch, that was a bit "catty" wasn't it??)

Question: Why do you like to put Bella's head in your mouth?

Answer: Because that's the only part that will fit!

Question: Why do you eat poop??? It's so gross!

Answer: Hey, I eat poop, you people smoke cigarettes & cigars and drink nasty beer, etc! To each his own!

Question: Why does my dog turn around three times when he has to poop or lay down to sleep?

Answer: Sorry, that's a closely guarded doggy secret! I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you so let's let it drop!

That's all I have for now! If you have any doggy mysteries you can't figure out, post them to me and I'll see if I can help unravel the mystery for you!

Till next time

Wags and kisses
Lexi

The Joy of Sniffing

I like to sniff butts. What dog doesn't?? Butt sniffing, in case you weren't aware, is one of the best forms of communication/information gathering out there. By sniffing another dog or cats butt I can find out many things. Such as, what did they just eat? Where have they been? Who have they been with? When was the last time they bothered to clean themselves?? (not naming any names but you stinky guys know who you are!)

An example: the other day my cat Bella came in from her usual all night tramp. As she ran for her food dish I dashed after her and stuck my nose under her butt for a good long sniff. She doesn't really seem to enjoy this since my snout usually lifts her rump off the ground as she's running and we end up with a wheel barrel effect, but what must be done, must be done! From my quick sniff I was able to ascertain the following: Bella had eaten a mouse sometime in the night, got into a scrap with a nasty old tom cat, chased a few bugs, taken about three dozen baths, and slept in a pile of grass clippings. There ya go! How many of you are able to find out that much information by sniffing around??? Sorry humans, you just don't have the gift, but I sincerely wish you did!

In fact, it is my sincere opinion that many of the world's problems could be solved by some simple butt sniffing. Why if the members of congress would take just a few minutes out of every day to run around the room sniffing each other's butts there would not be arguments over taxes, health care, the war. Heck, there wouldn't even be a war if butt sniffing were in effect!! In my perfect world President Obama and the other world leaders would gather around in the Oval office and the butt sniffing would commence. Then there would be harmony. Trust me on this people!

Even the most uptight of all humans would melt into perfectly lovable, huggable lovies with just a sniff of the snout. The Queen of England is a bit stiff if you haven't noticed. Why??? Because she doesn't sniff butts!! At least not in public! Maybe in private she's different. She is a horsey/doggy person after all, so maybe she and Prince Philip and Charles and Camilla run around their palaces sniffing until they are delirious. I do have it on good authority that Winston Churchill was a butt sniffer but that's a closely guarded secret amongst us dogs so keep it under your hat!

Yes all the trials and tribulations out there, from wars, and bullying and table tossing and chinchilla chasing would be put to rest if you silly human beings would lighten the heck up, get your noses out of the air and into each other's butts.

But knowing you all like I do I'm not holding my breath. I am however going to go sniff some butts!

Wags and Kisses,
Lexi